The promised land

Abandon all hope ye that enter here. No, this is not the mouth to Dantes hell. This is Buenos Aires. Let me back up a bit. I was led here to BA under false pretenses.As an avid traveller i obviously heard about argentina and buenos aires in particular from the returned diaspora and soaked up their news and views on what seemed like a truly exceptional and rich culture. Being a full-blooded alpha-heterosexual i was especially interested in the women and how they perceived the europeans, of irish descent. “Did they mock us for our pasty white skin, blonde-ish hair and blue eyes?”, I wondered. Did they laugh at our vain attempts to communicate with them in castellano and / or broken spanglish? No! Hell no i was told. In fact all of these things would only add to ones charm, sophistication and exoticness and the argentinean women will flock to your side with absolutely no effort on your behalf……or so the promise went. So with gandhi in one hand and the mouse in the other i booked my flight to the promised land with the sweet sound of ´women are easy in buenos aires´ ringing in my ears.

I feel a kindred spirit with the Nazi´s who came to buenos aireas pre and post war. They also came to buenos aires under false pretenses. They saw the name of this city and saw the name of its inhabitants. The buenos aireans (buenos aryans…come on… its a stretch i know) and thought the city was named after all the ´good white supremicists´ that must have named it. They must have been shocked on getting here. Anyway my vain sexually influenced reason for coming here also turned out to be false and here ends my affinity with the nazi´s. When i got here i found to my horror that the women here do not flock to my side in their masses each one wanting more than the previous. No. Hell no. It turns out its just like home. I can drunkenly walk up to any number of argentinean women in a night club and i will get the same convulsive, horrified half-wretching-in-my-face look as i see in the faces of women at home. My sickly pasty white skin, blue eyes and blond-ish hair doesn´t have a magic influence on the beauties (or the fat trollops now that i mention it). I was lied to. I was deceived. I came here under false pretenses. Abandon all hope ye that enter here. This is no promised land of nympho´s. These argentinea women are smart, intelligent, beautiful and above all else will not fall for your arrogant ´ i´m foreigner so love me´ shit. The dream is almost dead.

I say almost dead as in my travels i have recently heard about the women in Colombia. Their supposed to go crazy for the foreign white skinned, blue eyed blonde-ish hair types. Gandhi in hand and the mouse in the other……i´m booking my ticket to colombia.

Share on Facebook